Pastor, afraid of Satan's Shadow, Preaches about the Rapture instead
Pastor Johndell preaches about how important it is for his followers to manifest the Rapture and use the Law of Attraction to bring about the 2nd Coming of Christ so we can avoid a corrupt government.
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The Satire
Transcript from the latest sermon held at the largest MegaChurch of Religious Conferences
Pastor Johndell clears throat. Ahem...
“Brothers and sisters, gather 'round and rejoice, for the signs of the End Times are upon us! Look around at the crumbling society we live in—the government is corrupt to its very core, letting the borders run wild and allowing sinners to run rampant in the streets!”
Johndell raised his hands to heaven, and the crowd swooned with him, rocking back and forth in a trance. Many of the crowd were praying for the law of attraction to bring the Rapture to carry them away. “Oh Lord, let the law of attraction bring me home to heaven!” This chorus and refrain was heard from more than one old biddy.
Johndell continued, speaking in his singsong voice. He had spoken with this voice from the pulpit so much that it had become his only voice. His pitch only changed when he asked for money. He had practiced that pitch for years until it maximized his church's profits so he could file his paperwork for his 501(c)(3). The government was his actual employer.
“This moral decay can only mean one thing - the Lord is priming this wicked world for its inevitable destruction so He can gather us righteous believers up in the Rapture! Praise be to God for hastening the apocalypse with devastation and chaos, making way for His triumphal return!”
The deal was straightforward. He wouldn’t preach against the government, and they would give him a tax break, a clever way for them to help pay his wages. If the government got terrible, God would save him anyway. There was no fear of a corrupt government. The Rapture would save the chosen.
“The worse this pit of depravity becomes, the sooner Jesus will descend from the heavens on a glorious chariot of fire to snatch us up to Paradise! We mustn't sully our souls by involving ourselves in these earthly affairs. No, we must turn a blind eye to the world's unraveling and let it rot from the inside out - for that is the Lord's plan!”
He would not preach against the schools, the libraries, or the abortion clinics. He would pray they would corrupt more children. God would look at this broken world and be forced to act. That was the secret path to righteousness—to pray for the increase of sin in the world so that God would come and save the world from sin.
“When the pedophiles run the schools when the streets are painted with the blood of the innocent, when the libraries are full of child pornography, and when society lies in tottering ruins - that is when we'll know our redemption is nigh! The moral decay will be complete, clearing the way for Christ's kingdom to reign eternal!”
Johndell had been invited to speak to the Davos and World Economic Forum crowd. He found the idea of those people ending the world encouraging. He wanted to take part—help them bring an end to this miserable world. His job was to do nothing and convince his people to do nothing, too.
“So I say to you, my flock - rejoice in the downfall! Celebrate the perversion and iniquity, for it brings us one step closer to being swept away from this filthy world forever! Let out a joyous cry at every new atrocity, every…”
Loud crashing sounds as a SWAT team burst through the stained glass windows showing the stations of the cross, filling the room with smoke grenades and tear gas. The stained glass windows are now like broken teeth in the walls as smoke swirls out of the building. Men, women, and children are screaming in terror.
One lady in particular is screaming, “I manifested it. I manifested the Rapture. I’m a prophetess.” She is silenced as she runs into a wall, smacking it hard enough to echo.
SWAT leader bellows through his bullhorn, “ON THE GROUND, EVERYONE! NOW!”
PASTOR Johndell is coughing at the podium; his large golden altar stands above him. Members of the SWAT team swarmed him, throwing him to the ground and handcuffing him. His natural whiney and mousey voice comes through, replacing his sing-songy voice.
“W-Wait...I don't understand! I thought the Lord was calling us home. God was supposed to rapture me away from this mess! Why...why is this happening?! I’m a good government employee! I never used my Freedom of Religion or Speech!”
The SWAT leader places his knee on Johndell’s neck. The SWAT leader is wearing a pride flag on his shoulder and is obviously a fat woman and not a man.
She applies pressure until the vertebrate at C1 makes a cracking sound. “Orders just came down this morning. Your position was eliminated so we could fill it with a new person. The state religion doesn’t have room for the old one.”
“Finish the job, Queens. Make sure you take the children, though. They need to go through their Drag Queen Story Hour re-education.”
The Truth
Rick Warren at Davos. Warren is a false teacher and a traitor to the faith. If your pastor smiles when he talks about the Rapture coming and preaches about how bad the world is but won’t preach about ways to minister to the world, he’s a traitor to the faith.
Davos, Switzerland, in the early meeting for the World Economic Forum. They want to reshape the world with a great reset. They want to change us from capitalism to something like socialist renters. Their goals are to radicalize our children and steal our natural resources. Further, they are already working locally in our state and many of our counties through our Senators and Representatives.
Watch Allie Beth Stuckey's interview with Justin Haskins for a good explanation.
Many pastors have decided to give up rather than engage. They are moral cowards. They won’t even get engaged within their church but instead distance themselves from ministries within and their people.
They aren’t pastors but thought leaders. If you want to know why your church feels like it's dying off, look closely at your pastor’s goals. Look at the goals of the deacons and elders. So many of them are just eager for the Rapture, so they don’t have to face the fact that Satan and his demons are mainly in charge of our government, our schools, our universities, and even most denominations.
You can be the brave one if your pastor won’t. God didn’t call only pastors to Matthew 28:16-20. He called everyone. If your pastor is too afraid of Satan’s shadow to answer God’s call, then you can stand up.
Matthew 28:16-20
Amplified Bible
The Great Commission
16 Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain which Jesus had designated. 17 And when they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some doubted [that it was really He]. 18 Jesus came up and said to them, “All authority (all power of absolute rule) in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations [help the people to learn of Me, believe in Me, and obey My words], baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe everything that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always [remaining with you perpetually—regardless of circumstance, and on every occasion], even to the end of the age.”